Accepting Dirty Talk

I’ve never been very good at dirty talk. I’ve thought for a while that this might be linked to my deficiencies at extemporaneous speaking in general, a general lack of creativity that occurs during certain social situations, but now I’m starting to think that my real inability is as a result of dirty talk’s theme, i.e. the sexual acts occurring right that moment, or the sexual acts of the near future. The content of what dirty talk can be seems extremely limited, or rather, simple: do you like this or that?, I’m doing this or that at this very moment, or going to do this or that.

It seems to involve (keep in mind, not being proficient in the language, I can only imagine) a subject liking an object (what a body part is or does) or involves a body part as subject acting upon another body part as object. Now, since the content of dirty talk is so simple, my deficiencies would seem to have less to do with a lack of creativity -- I think I can manage the few moves available -- than the other procedures involved in the action, namely performance, sincerity, and receiving pleasure. Performance shouldn’t be a problem, given of course an environment I feel comfortable performing in. Sincerity has indeed never been one of my strong suits, but I can take its form when needed. And it’s a pleasure I believe I could or would like to enjoy, otherwise I wouldn’t even be thinking about it.

So what is it? Like a lot of things I’m discovering about myself, it’s a matter of acceptance. I think that I’ve never been good at it because I’ve never accepted fully the reality of what it is, or rather, what it reveals: the ridiculous nature of the sexual act in general. That is to say, I’ve always wanted it to be something more that what it is, because I’ve found it’s bare reality, or the bare reality that it reveals, to be disappointing. To be sure, the purpose of dirty talk, for those who are able to partake, is the opposite: it masks the bare reality of the sexual act by maintaining the sexual fantasy better than the combination of silent humping and a self supported image (or, at least, it provides some badly needed novelty lacking in those intimate looks of longing). In supporting a communicable fantasy, dirty talk can actually make sex feel more real. However, such gestures are not without precarity, it also has the potential to destroy the fantasy, revealing a bare reality, bare humping.

Here is the paradox of dirty talk: dirty talk is most effective when it focuses on the sexual act at hand, but by relying on simply the immediate sexual act, one runs the greatest risk of exposing that act for what it really is, nothing we’re ever too proud of. The more literal the dirty talk, the more real the fantasy, but it comes at the cost of exposure. When I say, I’m doing this to you, I might very well realize that yes, I am actually doing this to you.